Info about Romance
Where Gender Gets You = Know About Men
Men are changing and women are changing because life is changing. I don't suppose we will ever take on the mores of the tundra, but we will take on the mores o a two-income family in which the partners are equally well-educated and free to make the same choices about commitment. This will eventually have a large impact on learnt behaviour.
Your father, despite his selective hearing, is ahead of the pack. The reason is simple. He is a man who likes women. He enjoys the company of women. He is full of admiration for women and he listens with interest to what they have to say, unlike the manifold jerks who imagine a woman's greatest pleasure is listening t them. He isn't full of macho bull dust. How lucky that at seventeen I saw that. Even he, however, has had his erratic moments, especially when I was seventeen.
• An incident from my life which shows your father in an odd light
When I was about seventeen, your father and I were driving down the main street of a suburban shopping centre and he enquired after my make-up which was the usual - much eye, little lip and something for the bones. He wanted to know why 1 was wearing any. I said because I liked to, which couldn't have bee simpler. He said why did I like to. I said because ii made me feel more attractive. He said why did I want to look attractive, I said because everyone did. He said it could only be for other men, since he was already attracted to me, and what was I doing trying to attract other men when he had already proposed to me.
The conversation grew very heated, centring on the rights of the individual. One thing led to another and I believe I slapped him outside the greengrocer's. We aren't talking protector/provider here. This was proprietor. Utter madness. Your father was always a man of passion but you have to watch out for that ownership thing.
Today's young man understands that but he tends to be covered in confusion, owing to balls being in the air, so to speak.
• But not fast enough
T he main source of confusion is where he stands. If he is no longer required to protect and provide, what is he expected to do? Talk about slow! Why can't he get to grips with the idea that romance isn't real life but needs to be accommodated just the same?
It's all very well to accept women on equal terms and to treat them with the same respect they treat a mate, but women require something beyond mateship. They want a little role-playing, a little gender differentiation. They want romance. They want to be seduced even if they do control mighty empires. It's called a double standard. Not too complicated I think. Life is riddled with them.
My advice to you is to look for a man with a little chivalry up his sleeve. This is a man who will understand and respect your brain, your right to choice and your independence, but will also understand that there is nothig more glorious for a woman than a man's well-muscled arm round her waist, implying strength, lust and pleasure in her and her alone.
The general problem seems to be confusion of signals, and how easily they are confused. An example from the animal kingdom.
There was poor old Andrew the peacock, desperate for a hen, quite attractive in a birdy kind of way, displaying everywhere and someone poisoned him. One person's signal is another person's terrible shouting. Practise your expressions. Try to make them as unambiguous as possible.
• Even worse
The hesitant man, however, is a whole pile better than the man who imagines his gender has bestowed upon him overwhelming sexual urges which women are just longing, and must expect, to have directed at them. This is the man who thinks with his penis. The technical name for him is dickhead.
• Penises and how they affect what you wear
There are many dickheads about and they are the reason I bolt the door when I see you leaving the house wrapped in a handkerchief. I respect your right to leave the house in a handkerchief. Not so long ago, I was a devotee of the handkerchief as a skirt myself. I respect your right to look like a sex goddess but I respect even more your safety.
Out there are men who truly think that because you are wearing a handkerchief you are inviting them specifically to have intercourse with you. They know they are lying to themselves but their penises persuade them.
You know and I know that, though your intention is to look attractive and possibly like a sex goddess, this is not an invitation to sick remarks and groping. They, however, tell themselves that sex goddesses expect to be the object of sick remarks and groping, especially as performed by them, because women in handkerchiefs are begging for it. These are immature, gormless creatures and they are why you must never leave the house looking like anyone who can be confused with a tart.
Save the hanky for places of safety but keep in mind that, even then, there are men with penises for brains who don't understand that how you look is an invitation to nothing except admiration which is best left unsaid if it can't be said nicely. Bear in mind that anything can be provocative to the man who delights in his overpowering sexual urges. Even a white shirt buttoned to the collar, so for him, hanky most definitely equals panky.
A sense of proportion here: only the very odd lech is dangerous but he is the one a mother fears. The rule under all circumstances, whether the lech looks harmless or not, is to allow nothing in your manner to suggest he is on to a good thing. Put him straight as soon and as definitely as you can and remove yourself from his presence, if you must wear a handkerchief on the Tube, wear it under a raincoat.
• The harmless lech
It is ridiculous to sue him for sexual harassment. He can be seen off very simply and should be.
• The troublesome lech
Should a man use his position of authority to foist unwelcome sexual attention upon you, you must take evasive action. Never allow yourself to be alone with him. When there are witnesses, you must complain very loudly and very publicly. Where there are no witnesses, knee him and run.
• Knowing what's what
The truth is that you have to take responsibility for your own safety and comfort. However much you believe you are entitled to walk down the road by yourself at night and wear dresses cut entirely for suggestion, only a complete idiot of a daughter would. Only an idiot would jump into a cage of hungry lions smothered in Whiskas. Listen to what I'm saying. It's important.
Dickheads are not a reason, however, for thinking you should play down your beauty. You are entitled to make the most of yourself. I would even go so far as to say obliged. Who wants to die unnoticed?
Rule: Do not commit yourself to a partner for life who has low blood sugar rendering him incapable of any kind of thinking before food.